23 Lessons by 23 Part 1
With the finite wisdom I've amassed, I now pass it to you
In honor of me just turning 23, I did some deep digging/reflection, sifting through my past memories and experiences. Just to take a look at the life I've lived, this was a novel idea, as I've never done something like this for my birthday. It's like turning on something to watch that makes you both the audience and the protagonist — a new form of voyeurism.
Anyways, I picked up a few things — lessons I may have learned the hard way. Experience really is the best teacher, and these are 23 things I’ve learned by 23. These aren’t universal truths or might not be relatable to everyone, as we all have different lived experiences; these are what I have learned, and if I were to go back say 6–7 years ago, this information would go a long way.
For the sake of length, this would be two pieces.
1. Believing in the Truth
This is my biggest lesson to date: believing in the truth, the I AM, in the message of the Gospel, and understanding what that means for me. Understanding and living as who I am in Christ is helping me navigate this world. Because the world doesn't bring peace, it woke up and chose violence, literally, but He has given me perfect peace. Above all lessons, I would say this is the most important.
2. Everything will work out
I remember the anxiety that came from leaving secondary school; that was the hardest transition of my life. Your teenage years, 16 to 18, are quite some confusing times —you’re still a child but not yet an adult. You are that sweet spot where childhood is fast coming to an end and adulthood isn't quite yet in reach.
The time for stupidity and playing around was over. It was time to be serious.
“Don't you know you would soon be an adult? Stop acting like a child” was always the harsh reproach from your parents during corrections.
What brought anxiety was basically everyone separating, going to various schools, and pursuing different careers. All of a sudden, we were so serious navigating one exam after the other, both collectively and individually.
I just sighed thinking about it, but all in all, it worked out —beautifully, might I add.
You know, being in a situation that's all you think about, you can’t look past it to the future. The future seems too far, too obscure, and too out of touch, but the knowledge that things will work out should be enough motivation.
3. Friendships will come and go. People come and go all the time and it's okay
I do not have much to say about this, but friends are like seasons— they come, they go, and they alternate. You could meet a friend you knew 5 years ago and then become friends again, or you could figure out that this person isn't meant to be in your life and you don't click the same way you used to, or this could even be a current friend. You wake up and realize you don’t talk the way you used to or text the way you used to; something is different, the vibe’s changed.
It isn't set in stone, but for a while I thought it did, so looking back at the situations of my life, it has changed my perspective on friendships.
4. Prioritize yourself or better yet invest in yourself
In everything about you —your growth, your skills, your health, your finances, your career
Again, because the future is too vague for us to comprehend, we do things carelessly in the now.
The you now and the you in the future are the same person, only shaped by different outcomes—outcomes that are determined by the actions you take now.
A very simple instance would be a future you that you wish was healthier, maybe more fit, athletic, or whatever.
Good or better health would not just be achieved along the way; it doesn't just occur. It starts with exercising now, eating better now, going on walks now, and reducing your sugar intake now. This applies to every single endeavor or area.
Every action now DETERMINES THE OUTCOME OF the future and how you would end up being that person.
So prioritize everything about you, absolutely everything, as there is no future without the present. You are your biggest investment.
5. Learn and unlearn
Every day is a day to learn something— it could be something pertaining to education, pertaining to you, pertaining to your job, or pertaining to your career.
Whatever it is, it is a day to learn. I've watched through my parents’ life how they have been laggards in adopting new technology— very stuck or clinging to their old ways of doing things—and I can see how this has affected them in one way or the other, but due to their inability to change or to learn something new, they still want to do things the way they know how or the way that has benefited them, even though there are better things or better ways of doing things.
So I would say unlearning old habits or traditions, old ways of doing things, and old ways of thinking that don't necessarily serve you—these might have been picked up from your parents, from society, or from the life that you've lived, and that doesn't mean they should stay with you. Always learn, relearn, and unlearn.
6. Money is nothing but a tool, and you should use it as such
It is an exchange for value given
I used to think that money was everything because I wanted more of it growing up, but as someone who has come of age and has been working and making money since 17 and through some trial and error, learning and unlearning about money, debits, and credits, I have realized that it is a tool — a means of exchange.
You get money when you give some form of value— this value could be in terms of anything. It could be value for your services, value for your knowledge, value for your time, or whatever you could package as a value; that is what gets you money—it is an exchange.
Now the correlation between money and happiness, as always seen in media, is a slippery slope; on one hand, money doesn't directly buy happiness, but it can buy things that can make you happy, whatever that thing is.
It isn't life and death or shouldn’t be used as a judge of a person but as I've mentioned before, just a tool. It’s not the tool that causes the harm but how the handler uses it.
7. Choose your battles
Not everything deserves your attention
As simple as that, not everything deserves your attention, not everyone deserves your attention, not every trend deserves your attention. You have to choose what to focus on right now, things that only serve the path that you are on.
8. Relationships, emphasis on romantic relationships aren't all that
It is fine, it is okay, it is acceptable to be single or to not be in a relationship or even want to be in a relationship just yet.
I wonder when being in a relationship became a yardstick for acceptance or a yardstick for measuring someone’s worth, especially at such a young age.
Your teenage years are your developmental years for literally going up; the frontal lobe isn't even developed yet, so why is a boy being added into the mix, emotions you don't yet understand into the mix?
You know what's funny? At such a young age, our parents told us to stay away from the opposite gender, especially the girls. Some parents even took it as far as lying about sex and pregnancy just to encourage abstinence, but now they ask for marriage. Wasn't I supposed to not talk to a boy????
But it's okay, like I said before, it isn't a yardstick to judge or be seen as cool. Romantic relationships, like any type of relationship really, are a serious thing and should be considered with such significance.
9. Stand on your values— peer pressure is real
Peer pressure is always rung into our ears and we're told "don't fall into peer pressure". More than, it's going to parties, clubbing and the like(whatever vice we were listed), it's also a way of life, thinking, a mindset.
People out there would try to convince you their way of thinking is superior to yours and in their presence if you don't know who you are or what you stand for, without even realizing it, you start to conform.
Not even because you necessarily want to, but because you have no sense of who you are, it's just how the world works.
10. You can say no
If it's something makes you uncomfortable, say no, no one is obligated to your yes
Saying yes is always seen as the right thing to do or the right way to be — being agreeable or nice.
That's wrong on so many levels. I remember being called selfish and unaccommodating for saying no because I knew at the end I would be the one with a loss or who would be uncomfortable.
It resulted in a fight, but I’m so thankful for that fight. I'm thankful that I insisted on my no instead of being quiet, saying yes to something I knew would constantly make me unhappy and uncomfortable.
No one is obligated to your yes, so you give it with discretion; you give it after thorough thought, in whatever case or whatever situation.
This was not the direction I wanted this to go, but since we're on the topic of saying no, let’s also talk about saying no to yourself.
No to that action you know would hurt you; I'm talking about procrastination, I'm talking about not following through with a plan that you set for yourself, or a goal, or whatever that little action you've told yourself you wouldn't do again. I've come to realize that you, not even anyone else, but you and your mind could be your biggest hater, giving into temporary comfort and pleasures because you feel like it, but knowing deep down that the pleasure isn't worth it
So say no to anything that stands against you, that threatens your discipline, that makes you uncomfortable, even if you have to fight for your no.
It's going to be more worth it than saying yes .
11. I wouldn't say education is not important
Education is key, yes, but these days it's turning out to not be the only key — because why are most billionaires college dropouts?
What you do in school and who you become in school are important—the friends you make in school take you a long way, I would say.
They used to say, “don't just pass through school let school also pass through you,” and I have decoded it to be School isn't just about classes or just the education— it's also about the experience, the community you build, the friends you make, the skills you learn, and every other thing in between. School is the biggest breeding ground, a ground full of other passionate, able-bodied youth like you that could either lift you up or sink you.
To be continued….