The "you" in YOU!
So tell me about yourself
It's been a hot minute and I've put on so many hats that sometimes I get confused, I get whiplash–”what personality am I now?” | “what hat am I wearing now?” | “who am I in this moment, in this 20 minutes of work that I have invested myself into.
Most of all, ever since I got clear on my goals, I forgotten myself. me, just me.
not the founder
not the student
not a job searcher
no titles or roles assigned to me.
Just about me
These roles are the extensions of me, the branches not the root.
I am the root the root is me
Most times there are so many roles and hats we wear and how we present ourselves to the world; it's like a gift wrapped with various wrapping paper and for various purposes that we then look at the wrapping paper and not the gift.
You're a student
You're a mom
You're an executive at a company
You're the founder of a startup
Fill this __ with whatever
But who are you? Just you no title, no extension, no role
Tell me about yourself questions then turn into achievements, responsibilities, roles and tasks and then we throw in one weird joke about how we like strawberry flavored ice cream just to lighten the mood and then we call it a day and say this is who I am.
Not one thing was said about you, all we talk about is what we do, the activities we do and our daily lives.
And I have forgotten myself, matter of fact I don't know myself.
I've seen people re-discovering themselves well past their 30s and 40s and it's incredibly relatable but sad, like you haven't known yourself for this long?!
That's when it also hit me, that I don't know myself, that I have given strength & effort & energy & time & investment to branch parts and not roots.
Forgetting the root has to be nourished first before it springs up branches, leaves and then the fruits.
I've poured out of myself – not even intentionally – to other things that take everything from me, everything and sometimes I have nothing left to give, nothing left to pour back in.
Back to who I am
I don't know, genuinely, if you'd asked me what do you do for fun, what do you have passion for or tell me about yourself I always come up with a blank because I was looking for things to not just fill me up but yo define me and this led me to start a series sometime ago. I was bored with my mind and with my time, it was to give me some form of connection to activities that might reveal who I am.
If you're wondering it's the re-invent series you can have a look at it here.
And yes activities and your work do reveal a side of you but it still doesn't paint the whole picture. There's always this importance on “what you do”, | “Oh I paint or I swim or I read” that in essence gives you a title of “I'm a painter, I'm a swimmer and I'm a reader,” it's like the icing of the cake not the cake itself.
And lately me has been gnarling at me, begging for some attention, begging to be let out. “What about me, when do I get some time, some love, some care, a slither of attention?”
These are genuine questions that pop up in my mind when I want to give attention to something else.
It's not surface level, it's deeper, it's something intimate — a connection that touches and reaches the soul.
It's about the person within and the voice inside and yes external activities can connect you to a part of you that is inside. It does scratch the surface.
There was a pause when writing this
I've searched a long time for titles that could define me, that could give me some sort of explanation as to what was happening within me. I searched everywhere but inside. But now none of those really matter.
The definition is right there
I am me. You are you
I'm the girl trying to live her best life. I'm the girl trying to take care of her parents. I'm the girl trying to be the best academically, trying to get to the highest level of degree that I can.
I'm the girl trying to build a brand up. I'm the girl trying to help others while still figuring out her life. I'm the girl living her life.
I'm the girl with no friends. I'm the girl that gets shy often. I'm the girl that almost pees her pants when it's time for her to speak publicly.
I'm the girl with no boyfriend. I'm the girl taking care of myself by the grace of God. I'm the girl figuring out her life, trying to figure it who she is.
I'm the girl who speaks to herself to try to understand what's going on in her mind. Re-reading her journals and voice recordings.
I’m the girl writing down her goals on a sheet of paper with nothing but the grace of God and conviction in her mind.
I'm the girl who loves writing(it takes the thoughts out of mind unto a piece of paper), who would write so many pages with a pen and paper, but finds it difficult to edit on a laptop. I'm the girl learning, growing. I don't need a role or a title to define me.
Yes, I'm a job seeker. Yes, I'm a founder. Yes, I'm a student, but those are extensions of me.
Those are the branches, not the roots. So I am me, not because of my title or because of the role that I play. I am me because of I am me.
The definition of me is me. There's nothing more to it. The definition of you is you.
It's in the little moments. It's in when you're not thinking, it's the person you are when you're alone, with no one else. Just you and your thoughts.
When no one else is watching, when I am by myself, when I am with myself, and I didn't realize this yet, and it took really talking to myself to be able to bring this out. It didn't take me doing any activity, though it helps, activities for me like writing help to connect you with something that you like doing,(it clears your mind & brings your thoughts to focus) but they — the activity— don't really tell you who you are, they show who you are in that moment.
So look for the tiny moments, the person crying in the room, the one laughing out loud, and the one who gets amused by a joke she cracked by herself. That is who you are. I'm happy that I had this conversation with myself and I figured this out because it was beginning to scratch my brain in a very uncomfortable way.
It's been nice; I'll talk to you later.
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